May is Mental Health Awareness Month. A time when we’re encouraged to check in with ourselves. To pause and notice how we’re actually doing.
But for many high-achieving women, that check-in doesn’t always go where it needs to go, because we’ve learned how to answer the question without ever accessing the truth.
We don’t check in to feel. We check in to assess functionality.
Because the goal was never really to feel. It was to function. To handle what needs to be handled. To keep things moving. To not fall apart. And when functioning becomes the measure, feeling becomes secondary.
When Functioning Is the Goal
Many high-achieving women don’t break down. We adapt. We adjust. We recalibrate. We find a way to keep going. And over time, that ability becomes our identity. Capable. Responsive. Dependable.
From the outside, everything appears fine. But there’s another experience happening at the same time. One that often gets suppressed. A quiet awareness that something feels heavier than it should. A level of exhaustion that doesn’t fully make sense. A sense that you’ve learned how to carry more than you’ve ever stopped to question. And instead of naming it, we keep moving.
“I can handle it.”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“It’s fine.”
But when functioning is the goal, we don’t evaluate the cost. We normalize carrying more than we need to; staying longer than we should; adapting in ways that slowly move us away from ourselves. Not in one dramatic moment, but in small, repeated decisions.
It is important to recognize that functioning is external. It’s about output, performance, and reliability.
But well-being is internal. It’s about connection, alignment, sustainability.
And the two don’t always move together.
You can be highly functional and deeply disconnected at the same time.
What the Research Tells Us
Psychological research on emotional suppression shows that when we consistently override what we feel, it doesn’t disappear—it accumulates. It often shows up as:
• Increased stress responses
• Emotional fatigue
• Disconnection from self
In other words, the body keeps track, even when our narrative says everything is under control.
At the same time, studies continue to show that women, particularly Black women, navigate elevated levels of chronic stress while also facing barriers to support, including stigma and cultural expectations around strength.
So the pattern makes sense. Not because it’s healthy, but because it’s reinforced.
This Week’s Reflection
This Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m not inviting you to do more. I’m inviting you to notice differently.
Instead of asking: Am I managing everything?
Pause and ask: Am I well or just highly functional?
And if you’re honest about that answer, take it one step further:
Where in my life have I confused being able to keep going with actually being okay?
Where am I maintaining a version of my life that no longer aligns simply because I’ve proven I can sustain it?
🌸 SHIFT Into Your Highest Self™
If you feel called to explore your performance of fine, I invite you to schedule a complimentary, no-obligation conversation to see whether the SHIFT Into Your Highest Self Coaching Experience is for you.